You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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