They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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