I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
