If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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