What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
