I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize