that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
