Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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