i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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