Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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