i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
