I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
