I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
high people should be assigned attendants
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
