My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
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I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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