Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
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Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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