thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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