Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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