what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
