My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Randomize
