one might say we're banned from that church
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
