Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
