You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just had sex on a roof
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
