Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
