I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
