yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
