So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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