No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it hurts more in the daytime
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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