What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
