new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
