I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
