If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
