im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
