She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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