Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
