There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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