What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm at about main and main street
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
