i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
