I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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