so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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