she smelled like a LAN party
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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