Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
