I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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