Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
