the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
