I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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