Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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