doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You are a genius and a whore.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
