Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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