I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
