im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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