hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
