the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
