doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
areolas are like halos for boobs.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
