32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
