If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
