In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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