i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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