At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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