He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
