Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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