We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
