I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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