i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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